Wow! What a year 2008 has been! As I think back to this time last year, I had no idea that God was going to be calling me to move to Atlanta! So many things have changed in 2008, and God has blessed me with so much! I can't wait to see what He does in 2009!
God has already begun doing heart surgery in me the past few days of this new year. I know that it probably seems that I've got it all together, and most of the time I would prefer that people thought that about me. However, the truth is that I SO DO NOT have it all together. As much as God has blessed me in the past year, and as much as I love Christmastime, this holiday season had it's painful moments for me.
There are some deep longings of my heart that have yet to be fulfilled, and I began focusing on those things a lot towards the end of the year. I found myself thinking, "If I could just have this or that, then my life would be complete." That kind of desperation is a dangerous place to be in, because Satan knows that is where I am most vulnerable. He used some circumstances to bring out more thoughts of rejection, lonliness and inadequacy in me.
Yes - desperation can cause us to do and think stupid things. However, desperation can also be a gift. If geared properly, it can be turned into a desperation for God. I began to think, "What if those things I so deeply long for never happen for me?". Do I want to go through life miserable because of it? NO WAY!!! I want to live the ABUNDANT life that God sent His Son in order for me to have. I want to learn to be content right where God has placed me.
God has said to my spirit the last few days, "Jenifer, allow ME to fill the deepest longings of your heart. Take your focus off of those things and put that focus on Me." Instead of worrying about what I don't have, I want to spend this new year enjoying the many blessings that God has already given me. I want to focus on becoming more like Christ. I want to become the kind of woman that the Godly man I am looking for would want to marry. I want to become the kind of friend to others that I would want them to be to me. More than anything, I want to be so desperately in LOVE with JESUS!!! I want 2009 to be a year full of getting to know my sweet Savior more and more!
Happy New Year!